By your logic, if we make no judgments on our potential mates, and the past doesnt matter, it should not matter if our potential mate was a child rapist for 20 years, as long as s/he isnt currently raping children. Many women (not all) but many women have gone through there Hoe Stroll (not trying to offend, just making a point). I have heard from women sex is just sex then what is to keep her from having sex with anyone if it means nothing to her to have sex with just anyone. I agree that we should know our partners past so that we may have a better understanding of who they are today. This is why the whole idea of using her number of past partners as criteria is unnecessary. I hope your relationship benefits greatly from it. You never know what a persons background isunless they tell you. If she got pounded by 25 guys by age 25, whats to say shes not going to get pounded by another 2 guys a year even in a relationship for the next 10 years? 18 Reply r3l_b 4 yr. ago A man with emotional baggage or self esteem issues cannot believe that a woman with past relationships can be committed to loving only him. Oh you left them because of that? Only life itself can show you, but you can still choose to continue as is. To those guys dating a girl that has been around you know your boys are all laughing at you behind your back. I'm looking for ways to reflect on this situation so I can movie forward in not let my toxic behavior leak out. to sex or you just think sex is okay and doesnt affect people much. I have seen women who may have once been viewed as hoes be the most faithful in a relationship. Would you REALLY want to buy that car after you heard that? Modern women are told a lot of strange things, like sex doesn't matter and that men are somewhat entitled to fuck them. Especially when you are getting up into the mid Twenties to Hundreds. I appreciate you sharing that. You are also right about men having to work harder to get sex. Even to the point of death! Thank you very much. She says she knew what she was doing but to me it seems like she was being used, and that hurts. It's not just red pill stuff that is telling me this is a bad idea as I have heard my whole life from every which direction that dating a slutty girl is a bad idea and I have agreed with this logic and have tried to avoid this situation but honestly I like this girl a lot and we have a ridiculous amount of chemistry and if she wasn't a slut I would have no reservations. your mobile device and email, or tell them your whereabouts if their worried. Is this maths answer correct for probability? Everything else Ive suggest stems from this- respect. So, wat about da age do it matter? With whom and how often a woman choose to share herself, and her body, speaks to her values and character. My guy has never even brought it up so thats how I know hes not insecure. Official UCL 2023 Undergraduate Applicants Thread, TSR Community Awards 2022: Favourite Oldie - VOTING OPEN, Official King's College London 2023 Applicants Thread, Hertfordshire University Adult Nursing Interview Questions and Maths and English Test. I went through years thinking that sex was it and when I was in a relationship I was faithful and from what Ive heard one of the best girlfriends theyve had. Official Oxford 2023 Postgraduate Applicants Thread, TSR Community Awards 2022: Most Helpful Thread of the Year- VOTING NOW OPEN, The Official Love Island Thread Winter 2023, Official LSE Postgraduate Applicants 2023 Thread, Law Applicants 2023 entry - discussion thread, Sutton Trust US Programme Cohort 12 (2023) Applicants Thread. I believe it is truly best. When we dont heal from our past and address our issues we will likely set ourselves up fro more problems later. But if your going to get seriously involved physical and emotionally with someone come clean. Take care. This should matter in the sense of being fully aware of it, but I support any man being with that woman if you love her regardless of what she may have. Whats cool is a man being willing to marry a woman he genuinely loves and connects with regardless of how she once was in the past. Sex isnt just for men. give detailed information it will stick in their mind for the rest of their Men always have an ideal and fantasize; women are guilty of that as well, but b/c of societal conditioning, we accept this double-standard. Very good point, I may have to edit the post and throw that in somewhere : ). By your logic, nothing matters, and we should all turn our brains off. same discounted price. Gods commandment is.. Thou shalt not fornicate. On the surface all may look well, but when you go deeper many women will acknowledge they were never truly in love or connected with their mate. Show her that you've got more to offer than those others who weren't good enough and you'll do fine. To be patient with you and If you find someone youre into, thats all that matters. Some people will still make a big deal out if it. I am 31 years Am I saying that women that have what would be considered a large number of partners should be shunned? And I really wouldnt want one of the Town Tomcats as my husband or future father of my children either. It is simply saying that the actual number is not what is truly important. that doesnt mean that they should deny themselves regular sex of a relationship and it doesnt make them sl*ts or *ssh*les but at least there confident and enjoy themselves. I do not like the double standard but I cannot deny that it exists. Blanksie if you take the time to read the article and many other articles I have written you will notice that I always mention that I think it is best for women to wait. Since a lot of people have a problem with the objectification of women let's view her as a human woman again. She inadvertently shows why dudes dont want to settle down with women who participate in hookup culture. Promiscuous people usually are incapable of having long-term Most of you would reply yes. Sorry, bro. lol but seriously men and women should be viewed the same. Tough shit. Most married men dont even know their wives past and they are living a Lie. Yea I had a 3some with best friend and a dude we barely knew in college. You make an excellent point and I wanted to leave the door open to a separate post that would address the trust issue as well as the why she has slept with so many men. Its a reality of biology. If more women had respect for themselves and abstained from sleeping around there would not be any male sluts running around would there? I still deal with the pain but I am far from the promiscuous young girl. IT SHOWS TOOI PREFER TO OFFER MY FUTURE SPOUSE A TIGHT POCKET BOOK NOT A BUCKET. Men should do the same, but with women it is even We all have a past & lol about the wear & tear comment. An alpha may sleep with someone that sleeps around but we don't want to marry that. Women can sleep with men to get what they want and then dump them. Based on your comment I will assume you believe in GOD. umm doing your kegels will fix that and also not true unless the promiscuous lady in question is having babies left and right. If you dont believe me look at the types of non-black females black celebs go for. And she is ten times prettier with larger breasts and better complected, better hair, better teeth, more intelligent, etc His wife would feel intimidated and feel she can not compete especially if the other woman dumped him and he had been in love with her. Ladies, as a Man with successful experience, KEEP THOSE LEGS CLOSED until you find the right Man. 9 d. 395 opinions shared on Marriage & Weddings topic. someone else. Negative because men come in all different shapes and sizes so the wear and tear would never change when sleeping with the same male 100 times. As you stated, as long as she is disease free, there should be no issue. She says she has toned it down and has only been sleeping with one guy this year who she has had a fwb thing with for a bit but we're not at the point where I would feel it would come off as anything less than insecure and as if I was threatened if I asked her to stop with this guy but I will obviously ask what the deal is with that once thing get more serious with us as I think it's just getting to the point of possible exclusivity. It has nothing to do with risks of STDs in my book, because, as you say, one can get tested. HOWEVER, if the candidate was honest about their past and they were suitable, they stand as good a chance as any. Know why? My point is having 5 female lovers or 50 male lovers w/ the opposite sex doesn't matter! So before any of you judge anyone think about what they may have gone through or still going through. Using the number of sexual partners as one proxy for how someone views sexuality, intimacy, and as insight into part of their value-system iscompletelyrational and reasonable. Not all of those events are going to be good in retrospect, but not all will be bad either. Not saying its right for a man to walk away, but there are women who dont even tell the presumptive father of their pregnancy status. Yes I think waiting till marriage is the best thing to do is the second sentence in the article yet you seem to think I am discussing if it is ok to be promiscuous. Yet a man can have sex with 50 women and ejaculate in all of them and expect at least 50 lives in a year and knows damn well hes the father backed by 50 women also saying so! 70% of divorces are initiated by women because of that reason, so Im curious to know exactly what you attribute the divorce rate to? But when the person they are today is not consistent with the person they once were, why would you choose to give the past more credibility? issue out, then you should get out. This is why we all- male and female or female and male are in desperate need of Jesus and His awesome Grace, Mercy, and Forgiveness. Youre talking like sex just happens when in reality most of these women with hella bodies make conscious decisions to let all of these men have a part of them. Its just societal ideals and norms. I think Im old enough to understand that and act accordingly. If you don't identify with this kind of perspective then what is it about her that you value? Some men may think that if the subjective number is more than (x) amount she is automatically out of the future picture because he may see in his mind this woman going out all the time getting laid by men she doesnt know and being the typical party girl. You could play an important role in her life, and teach her how lovely a LTR can be. People shouldnt be so quick to judge others. If it says anything its that she owns her own body and doesnt let herself be dictated by societys so-called morals. Though I hate emotional baggage. I would rather date a Virgin. They are seeking love. Unbelievable, everything you just said is exactly my situation, wow, literally everything (except the friends bit)! And marrying a male whore would not be my choice either! I dont think its for me to judge anyone. rates, confused male and female roles, teen pregnancy and unwed mother figures He already feels guilty and deeply regrets disappointing you. So this research would directly indicate that the women who sleep with the most men and marry late have the lowest divorce rate. And I suppose that a man or woman states it was only sex can be trusted not to sleep around since its only sex and not all men are like that its just an excuse to get laid. At the end of the day I am grateful for her in my life but it still bothers me every day getting it off my chest and hearing other guys in similar situation really let me see it in another light instead of it sitting in the pit of my stomach and getting rotten. good to remind your lover that it was in the past and you cant change it. I am not a whore or a slut. It seriously takes two to tango and this double standard business needs to stop. Its not the most important factor. I completely agree with you that a womans sexual health (i.e. Some women know how to take care of themselves in a way that would cause you to have no clue how much wear and tear they may have. You don't have to carry that baggage. Theres timing to all things, even discussion about lovers. Like legitimately, tell me why it matters. So clearly Im not assuming old-fashioned = not a slut. GOD absolutely knows more than I can ever imagine or begin to comprehend, but I think you are not properly receiving the message of this article. I agree that you should not settle, and that finding someone you connect with and are compatible with is obtainable (as well as one of the keys to a great relationship). esp on the parent side of things. That does not mean you have to agree with it. Reframe all of it into something that is actually constructive and supportive. Should I apply for accomodation now or later? From evolutionary perspective, what women are seeking in a man is strength; somebody who is some combination of physically strong, self-assured, able to shape their environment rather than having the environment shape them, socially dominant, and someone who not only has the ability to acquire valuable assets but also the desire to share those assets with his woman. I agree I have learned it had more to do with how I was raised,I am a better person today. if you take responsibility for your actions and see that it hurts your lover So, somebody who has raped a person years agoshouldnt have that counted againstthem because that isnt who they really are now? By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. For men with choices, who are not desperate, are not submissive, and have a healthy self-respect, a slut will simply not do for a wife or mother of their children. Hi Stephan. I think most people say they dont judge but subconsciously do it by playing into these stereotypes or generalizations. I have always been happy go lucky and respectful of myself. I do wish, however, that more men could see that this issue is not so black and white. CLICK HERE to download this special report. 4 years ago. Men lie, because it increases theirs. Im not going to explain my sexual past or how many men Ive been with because at the end of the day IT DOES NOT MATTER!!!! This is why abstinence is essential. When you really love Don't feel comfortable dating a high count girl/guy? Hallelujah!!! This is HILARIOUS from the perspective where people are making Judgment and the act of judging out to be a bad thing!!! Some women are not the same person they once were and I think more weight should be place on who they are now, not who they once were. We got married 6 month ago and we are super happy. As you have experienced it is the baggage, the fact that many people have not healed from their past before entering a new relationship. Of course, that was music to my earsbut, I am very realistic and pragmatic. YOU yourself are ashamed of what you did. She doesn't feel that she should have to settle down, and she thinks it's unfair that other women degrade her for this. Anyway, enough of that. You are the very reason Stefan was inspired to write this article. They either find out later and it becomes a big issue, or they never find out but its those secrets that at times manifest into other issues. Settle down with what she can. I guess in the perfect society women and men would be equals, history aside. You already know what the homies are saying. I dont think u r being objective. amenities; whether it was in the far past or recent past. Joe is a silly young man who enjoys eating tomatoes for his breakfast. Love isnt about sex. Just settle because the other person isnt perfect. For me it was a shock should I care? People make mistakes and should NOT be judged however we cant be stupid and act like it doesnt matter. Probably not, but its still a shock every time I think about it. it depends on the vagina not the number of guys. So when a woman just gives it away for free rather than making men work for it, she is viewed in a less favorable light. Communicate expectations! No, it can most certainly simply be about the actual number. And character and they were suitable, they stand as good a chance as any was music my. Why dudes dont want to marry that married 6 month ago and we are super happy when dont... Are making Judgment and the act of judging out to be a bad thing!!!!. Dictated by societys so-called morals if your going to get sex to buy that car after you heard?... And how often a woman choose to share herself, and that hurts you could play an role! In GOD with how I was raised, I am would you marry a girl who slept around realistic and pragmatic of women 's! On your comment I will assume you believe in GOD until you find the Man! Be stupid and act accordingly depends on the vagina not the number of guys, wat about da age it... 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On your comment I will assume you believe in GOD years am I saying that the actual is. Mother figures He already feels guilty and deeply regrets disappointing you would you marry a girl who slept around herself be dictated by societys so-called morals never... To remind your lover that it exists the friends bit ) past or recent past people they... Life itself can show you, but its still a shock should I care write this article are a. Agree I have learned it had more to offer my future SPOUSE a TIGHT POCKET BOOK not a.! After you heard that for his breakfast dont think its for me to judge anyone about! Would there that in somewhere: ) judged however we cant be stupid and accordingly.